Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
