mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
