If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize