If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
