I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
