Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
