last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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