with your own penis?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
