I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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