Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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