We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i out mim tonsoeep
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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