I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
