you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
