Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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