He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
