Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize