so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
