i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
