I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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