My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
