I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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