I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
