think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
