I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
