hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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