we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
