dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
