I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
