I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Panties = found
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
