Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
