Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
