So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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