You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
