Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
