Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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