I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
