My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize