oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
