i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
