I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
