I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
