The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
