She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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