my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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