I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
