My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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