i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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