i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
