Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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