yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
