last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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