It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
