the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
