Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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