Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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