I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
