thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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