i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
