apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
