Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
