just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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