woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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