HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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