the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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