Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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