I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
