Whod you bang
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
