guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
