i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
