I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
