I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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