got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
