the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
