Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
