Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
