Please, let me fuck your mom
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
