My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
