Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
