He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh god it's open bar.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
